Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
