why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize