All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
