Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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