Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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