im about as happy as oj after his trial
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
