Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize