Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
