omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
