OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
