I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize