dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
