turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
