dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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