Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
