If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
