I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
40s are totally the cure
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
