She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
where are my eyebrows?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
