I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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