so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
