I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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