She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
