the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
