Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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