Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
