so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize