well I can't set my house on fire every night
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
