Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
