i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My feet surprised me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
