I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
