So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
