Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize