my vag is so smooth its legendary
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
