hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
