Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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