So drunk, too bad you don't want this
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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