I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
