Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
