I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
