i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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