You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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