Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
