They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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