its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
