Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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