none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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