She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
