the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
