THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
