i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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