Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
