I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize