He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
