FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think my vagina is haunted
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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