we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
