Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
