are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
