Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
