his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
