I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize