and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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