I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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