Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
