If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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