Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
