Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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