So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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