what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
