3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
