the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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