maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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