Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
