I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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