What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
