you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
